Peace of Mind

Having shared my life in the last year, has really given me a peace that I don't know if any of you will understand. For instance, I do not feel so uptight at work and stressed. Well, not AS stressed. I was reading a verse the other day and it has given me the up-most peace that ever have: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27 I realized I can't control everything or everyone around me, I can control how I react, say or do something. If I am wanting my character to affect people in such a way that it is positive and has a good outcome in their life, I can't worry about what I am doing, if it's right, or if it's being done the right way. My Ultimate peace in life should rest In Christ, but because of the everyday struggles...It doesn't. However, I can't use my struggles as an excuse for my health, I can't depend on God to keep me healthy. THAT part I have to do. He's given me the life I have, so I should use it wisely and take care of my body so that I can live a long a full-filling life.

As I am blogging tonight, Gavin Degraw's song I don't want to be pops in my head:

 I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

Anyway, back to my life:) In the last four months I have gotten my life back on track with eating healthier and exercising, not to only lose weight but to be HEALTHY. Most people think of exercise as a means of losing weight. I don't know where I heard this but it's has stuck with me: "If you think about exercising and weight-lifting as a means of losing weight, you're not going to get anywhere with that kind of thinking. Instead, think of exercise and weight-lifting as a means of building up, and strengthening your body. Have a positive control over how you think about the health of your body." - in the last couple of weeks or so, I haven't done as well as I should have with exercising and eating well.No excuses. My nutrition has been decent, but not great. I have been trying to keep up with eating six small meals a day, it's extremely hard. I want to blame it on the kind of schedule I have with work, but that doesn't work because most days I get a split shift which allows me to eat my 4th meal of the day. Part of my problem is not getting up early in the morning, I HATE getting up so early and eating breakfast early too. That's also where my Shakeology comes in:) It's the best meal of the day, and the healthiest for your body. I don't do well eating a big meal early in the day, so Shakeology does it for me:) (want to find out more about shakeology go here: www.shakeology.com/rachmrae90 )  SO If I truly want to be successful in all things I have to be a little more organized with my life in general.

I've been reading a book called PUSH by Chalene Johnson. It has helped me tremendously on prioritizing my life and being more organized with my goals short-term and long-term. What helps even more is doing her workouts. She is the creator of Turbo Jam and Turbo Fire. AHHHMAZING workouts:) Turbo Jam/Fire workouts are a martial arts/dance mix workouts. They're pretty intense, I love it. Some range from 20-50 minutes of a workout. Time goes by so fast you didn't see it. One of my future goals is to become a turbo instructor, it may take awhile, but I will get there. One of the ways I can help my goals is becoming more disciplined in all aspects of my life, Food, my apartment, cleaning, work, relationships and etc..

When I say I want to be disciplined, I also mean REALLY being organized. I wish I had organizational skills like mom, sister and aunt who three come to mind when I think of being either disciplined or very organized with certain things. Lately, I've struggled with making time to clean my apartment, it's one of the hardest things to come home and want to clean after a long day of work...but at the same time you want to come home to a clean place.  Yet, another goal is being more organized at home. It's funny...I'm much more organized at work than I am at home sadly....

I really would like to be consistent with blogging, but I don't want to be one to complain in a blog..... I have no right to complain.

It's late night/early morning, I should be getting home and getting some decent sleep before I work tomorrow.

My Life in the last year

Now most of y'all know that I am moving back to Memphis, TN in August, and I will tell you why. First I have to go back over these past few months to explain what was going on with me, because some of you don't know. Starting in August of 2011 when I arrived back to Lubbock, from California I had no place to live. I was supposed to have a roommate and we couldn't find an affordable 2 bedroom apartment, so I found a 1 bdrm apartment and moved within a week from being home. It was definitely a challenge moving and trying to work because I also started having car problems(my car at the time was a 1988 Cadillac Cimarron). I was fortunate enough to have my boss' brother help me out with my car. Then my car decided to just quit working. The following week, of having car issue's my processor(which enables me to hear) broke and I was unable to work, because a big part of my job uses a lot of communication. I probably could have kept working, but I didn't want people to be frustrated with me because they would have to take time to speak clearly and make sure that I understood them. Also, at the same time I was getting quite homesick. I had not experienced being homesick since I had moved to Lubbock in 09' – in most cases people experience it about a couple months after they move. I was feeling like I was going in a downward spiral into depression. It seemed as if nothing could get any better. I am thankful I had one of my best friends by my side through out the month of August and into September.

As September started, my parents & grandparents decided to come help me out with my apartment, buying things, since I didn't have much because my old place was fully furnished. The day before they came, my parents decided to surprise me by telling me they were giving me my mom's car! I had NO clue and was thoroughly surprised. They stayed over a long weekend, then went home. Life started getting back to normal as work continued. As time went on, I was fighting the urge to move home. I couldn't understand why I would want to move home if I was to be here in Texas going to school for free. After all, that is the impression I brought myself under when I moved here, that I would be going to school since it was free. But, every-time in the last three years applying and registering for classes, something always rose up and kept me from going to school. I started to realize, I wasn't depending on God to have control over my life. Instead, I was doing what I wanted and wanted to control my life without realizing it wasn't doing me any good. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will guide your paths.” kept popping up in my head. Then I slowly, but surely started trusting God in all areas of my life and started having peace within my heart.

Throughout all my struggles and experiences of “life” in the past three years has been incredible. I've realized...yes I was brought here under the impression of going to school, but why did I come here? I've come to the realization that I was in a way “running” away from home because my grandfather had died 7 months before from pancreatic cancer and I didn't know how to deal with it being at home. I thought I knew that he was in a much better place with my father in heaven who has given him a perfect body with no problems and that I would one day be there. I just didn't know how to deal with death and guilt for feeling like I was hardly there with him in the last month. - As December was approaching, I knew I would be going home soon. But, I didn't know how I would make my decision to move home....Pros? Cons? School? Family? I met with one of my elder's from church, who gave me advice that I will be forever thankful for. He helped me understand and think about what the most important things are in my life. So I had to work hard, pray hard and really come to terms with how life would be different if I moved home and if I would regret making the decision too.

After much debating back and forth and trying to find a reason to stay, I made the decision to move home after my lease is up in August of 2012 just a couple of weeks before I was to visit home for Christmas. I was able to talk to my siblings about moving home, and was surprised that they were behind me on my decision. I had yet to tell my parents of my new life changing decision. I was somewhat apprehensive about how my parents would respond, but at the same time knew that they would still support me either way. My time at home was a blessing, I was able to talk to Dad without getting so emotional and told him of my decision to move back home. The same day my parents and I had dinner at the local favorite Mexican restaurant. As we ate, my Mother...jokingly asked so when are you going to decide to move home, I gave her a look and started laughing saying this summer actually! She didn't believe me at first, and looked at Dad who was smiling because he knew my mother was happy her child was moving home. I then was comfortably able to tell my friends at home that I was coming back and had their support. Leaving to go back to my life in Lubbock was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but with a peace knowing I would be back soon enough.

Being back in Lubbock was hard, but I knew I had to talk to my boss who I was going to be sad and nervous to tell of my decisions to move home. Around the first week of February, I was able to meet with my boss/and his brother and talk about my future plans. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do, I couldn't tell them both enough how much of a blessing they have been in my life and being apart of the same church as well..I couldn't have asked for more. They both told me they were 100% behind my decisions and would be glad to give me any help. I had asked for one thing and that was I didn't want most people at work knowing of my decisions until early summer, because I knew some people would be somewhat upset because I had not done what I moved here to do. As I made these major decisions I also made the decision to start getting back on track to a healthier life.

My journey so far as to getting healthier has not been an easy one I can say for sure. But, I will say that I am very appreciative and thankful for my Beachbodycoach LIZ MCCANLESS. Who has been there along the way as I went through the ups and downs these past few months, who has helped me get started with my journey to getting healthier. In the beginning of March I joined a fitness challenge which required me to have accountability from 4 others including my coach as well as finding my way back into a healthy eating habit. As I did this challenge, I also became a coach http://beachbodycoach.com/rachmrae90 which would further help me in my journey to getting healthy. I can help other people get started on their journey as they go throughout their daily lives. I know that I want to be a positive role model for others and I have to lead by example, not what I want others to see but who I really am in my heart. As I've gotten this far in life, I've realized you cant perfect life, you are naturally born to fail. I won't be able to succeed at anything especially getting healthier if I don't try and work at it.

Getting healthier is my main focus in the last few months of living here, before I move home in August. I realized telling more people about my decision to move would help relive stress and help me have a positive attitude at work as well. I still have a few months to go before I move. I am so thankful for everything and everyone that God has placed in my life, whether it be troubles, or blessings. The past 3 years have made me the person I am today, without these experiences I don't know if I would have learned to have patience, trust and more. I know I still have patience to work on, but I think I have done better:)

I will not leave this place, as happy or sad but as a cherished time of my life where I grew up even though I have pretty much have been an independent person growing up. I can't wait to start a “new” place and a new chapter of my life. I'm Thankful.