Peace of Mind

Having shared my life in the last year, has really given me a peace that I don't know if any of you will understand. For instance, I do not feel so uptight at work and stressed. Well, not AS stressed. I was reading a verse the other day and it has given me the up-most peace that ever have: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27 I realized I can't control everything or everyone around me, I can control how I react, say or do something. If I am wanting my character to affect people in such a way that it is positive and has a good outcome in their life, I can't worry about what I am doing, if it's right, or if it's being done the right way. My Ultimate peace in life should rest In Christ, but because of the everyday struggles...It doesn't. However, I can't use my struggles as an excuse for my health, I can't depend on God to keep me healthy. THAT part I have to do. He's given me the life I have, so I should use it wisely and take care of my body so that I can live a long a full-filling life.

As I am blogging tonight, Gavin Degraw's song I don't want to be pops in my head:

 I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

Anyway, back to my life:) In the last four months I have gotten my life back on track with eating healthier and exercising, not to only lose weight but to be HEALTHY. Most people think of exercise as a means of losing weight. I don't know where I heard this but it's has stuck with me: "If you think about exercising and weight-lifting as a means of losing weight, you're not going to get anywhere with that kind of thinking. Instead, think of exercise and weight-lifting as a means of building up, and strengthening your body. Have a positive control over how you think about the health of your body." - in the last couple of weeks or so, I haven't done as well as I should have with exercising and eating well.No excuses. My nutrition has been decent, but not great. I have been trying to keep up with eating six small meals a day, it's extremely hard. I want to blame it on the kind of schedule I have with work, but that doesn't work because most days I get a split shift which allows me to eat my 4th meal of the day. Part of my problem is not getting up early in the morning, I HATE getting up so early and eating breakfast early too. That's also where my Shakeology comes in:) It's the best meal of the day, and the healthiest for your body. I don't do well eating a big meal early in the day, so Shakeology does it for me:) (want to find out more about shakeology go here: www.shakeology.com/rachmrae90 )  SO If I truly want to be successful in all things I have to be a little more organized with my life in general.

I've been reading a book called PUSH by Chalene Johnson. It has helped me tremendously on prioritizing my life and being more organized with my goals short-term and long-term. What helps even more is doing her workouts. She is the creator of Turbo Jam and Turbo Fire. AHHHMAZING workouts:) Turbo Jam/Fire workouts are a martial arts/dance mix workouts. They're pretty intense, I love it. Some range from 20-50 minutes of a workout. Time goes by so fast you didn't see it. One of my future goals is to become a turbo instructor, it may take awhile, but I will get there. One of the ways I can help my goals is becoming more disciplined in all aspects of my life, Food, my apartment, cleaning, work, relationships and etc..

When I say I want to be disciplined, I also mean REALLY being organized. I wish I had organizational skills like mom, sister and aunt who three come to mind when I think of being either disciplined or very organized with certain things. Lately, I've struggled with making time to clean my apartment, it's one of the hardest things to come home and want to clean after a long day of work...but at the same time you want to come home to a clean place.  Yet, another goal is being more organized at home. It's funny...I'm much more organized at work than I am at home sadly....

I really would like to be consistent with blogging, but I don't want to be one to complain in a blog..... I have no right to complain.

It's late night/early morning, I should be getting home and getting some decent sleep before I work tomorrow.

My Life in the last year

Now most of y'all know that I am moving back to Memphis, TN in August, and I will tell you why. First I have to go back over these past few months to explain what was going on with me, because some of you don't know. Starting in August of 2011 when I arrived back to Lubbock, from California I had no place to live. I was supposed to have a roommate and we couldn't find an affordable 2 bedroom apartment, so I found a 1 bdrm apartment and moved within a week from being home. It was definitely a challenge moving and trying to work because I also started having car problems(my car at the time was a 1988 Cadillac Cimarron). I was fortunate enough to have my boss' brother help me out with my car. Then my car decided to just quit working. The following week, of having car issue's my processor(which enables me to hear) broke and I was unable to work, because a big part of my job uses a lot of communication. I probably could have kept working, but I didn't want people to be frustrated with me because they would have to take time to speak clearly and make sure that I understood them. Also, at the same time I was getting quite homesick. I had not experienced being homesick since I had moved to Lubbock in 09' – in most cases people experience it about a couple months after they move. I was feeling like I was going in a downward spiral into depression. It seemed as if nothing could get any better. I am thankful I had one of my best friends by my side through out the month of August and into September.

As September started, my parents & grandparents decided to come help me out with my apartment, buying things, since I didn't have much because my old place was fully furnished. The day before they came, my parents decided to surprise me by telling me they were giving me my mom's car! I had NO clue and was thoroughly surprised. They stayed over a long weekend, then went home. Life started getting back to normal as work continued. As time went on, I was fighting the urge to move home. I couldn't understand why I would want to move home if I was to be here in Texas going to school for free. After all, that is the impression I brought myself under when I moved here, that I would be going to school since it was free. But, every-time in the last three years applying and registering for classes, something always rose up and kept me from going to school. I started to realize, I wasn't depending on God to have control over my life. Instead, I was doing what I wanted and wanted to control my life without realizing it wasn't doing me any good. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will guide your paths.” kept popping up in my head. Then I slowly, but surely started trusting God in all areas of my life and started having peace within my heart.

Throughout all my struggles and experiences of “life” in the past three years has been incredible. I've realized...yes I was brought here under the impression of going to school, but why did I come here? I've come to the realization that I was in a way “running” away from home because my grandfather had died 7 months before from pancreatic cancer and I didn't know how to deal with it being at home. I thought I knew that he was in a much better place with my father in heaven who has given him a perfect body with no problems and that I would one day be there. I just didn't know how to deal with death and guilt for feeling like I was hardly there with him in the last month. - As December was approaching, I knew I would be going home soon. But, I didn't know how I would make my decision to move home....Pros? Cons? School? Family? I met with one of my elder's from church, who gave me advice that I will be forever thankful for. He helped me understand and think about what the most important things are in my life. So I had to work hard, pray hard and really come to terms with how life would be different if I moved home and if I would regret making the decision too.

After much debating back and forth and trying to find a reason to stay, I made the decision to move home after my lease is up in August of 2012 just a couple of weeks before I was to visit home for Christmas. I was able to talk to my siblings about moving home, and was surprised that they were behind me on my decision. I had yet to tell my parents of my new life changing decision. I was somewhat apprehensive about how my parents would respond, but at the same time knew that they would still support me either way. My time at home was a blessing, I was able to talk to Dad without getting so emotional and told him of my decision to move back home. The same day my parents and I had dinner at the local favorite Mexican restaurant. As we ate, my Mother...jokingly asked so when are you going to decide to move home, I gave her a look and started laughing saying this summer actually! She didn't believe me at first, and looked at Dad who was smiling because he knew my mother was happy her child was moving home. I then was comfortably able to tell my friends at home that I was coming back and had their support. Leaving to go back to my life in Lubbock was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but with a peace knowing I would be back soon enough.

Being back in Lubbock was hard, but I knew I had to talk to my boss who I was going to be sad and nervous to tell of my decisions to move home. Around the first week of February, I was able to meet with my boss/and his brother and talk about my future plans. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do, I couldn't tell them both enough how much of a blessing they have been in my life and being apart of the same church as well..I couldn't have asked for more. They both told me they were 100% behind my decisions and would be glad to give me any help. I had asked for one thing and that was I didn't want most people at work knowing of my decisions until early summer, because I knew some people would be somewhat upset because I had not done what I moved here to do. As I made these major decisions I also made the decision to start getting back on track to a healthier life.

My journey so far as to getting healthier has not been an easy one I can say for sure. But, I will say that I am very appreciative and thankful for my Beachbodycoach LIZ MCCANLESS. Who has been there along the way as I went through the ups and downs these past few months, who has helped me get started with my journey to getting healthier. In the beginning of March I joined a fitness challenge which required me to have accountability from 4 others including my coach as well as finding my way back into a healthy eating habit. As I did this challenge, I also became a coach http://beachbodycoach.com/rachmrae90 which would further help me in my journey to getting healthy. I can help other people get started on their journey as they go throughout their daily lives. I know that I want to be a positive role model for others and I have to lead by example, not what I want others to see but who I really am in my heart. As I've gotten this far in life, I've realized you cant perfect life, you are naturally born to fail. I won't be able to succeed at anything especially getting healthier if I don't try and work at it.

Getting healthier is my main focus in the last few months of living here, before I move home in August. I realized telling more people about my decision to move would help relive stress and help me have a positive attitude at work as well. I still have a few months to go before I move. I am so thankful for everything and everyone that God has placed in my life, whether it be troubles, or blessings. The past 3 years have made me the person I am today, without these experiences I don't know if I would have learned to have patience, trust and more. I know I still have patience to work on, but I think I have done better:)

I will not leave this place, as happy or sad but as a cherished time of my life where I grew up even though I have pretty much have been an independent person growing up. I can't wait to start a “new” place and a new chapter of my life. I'm Thankful.

M.A.D.D.!!!!!!!!!!

MADD is what this last week was. NO, really! It was Music, Arts, Dance and Drama:) It was for babies to 12th graders. It lasted everyday from 2:30 til 7pm everday, but our summer project crew had to leave around 6 everday because we had prior schedules to keep up with. Except on Tuesday everyone had to go to their normal ministry location. I worked pretty much everyday from 10:30 am til 2pm at Chick-fil-A. Which wasn't bad, it was just the BUS TRANSIT that can be reallly annoying when it's not on time. (Yet another thing of Patience I need to learn to pray about) The Staff of Summer project also left last Friday leaving everyone in charge of something specific and to keep them responsible for something that way we don't get bored other than our daily routines.


I was an asistant teacher's aid for the 7th graders during MADD week. There were two other aids for the class. I never got to stay for the arts and drama because we had to leave by then. There was one particular thing that was different for me than all the other crew this week. I had a 7th grade girl who is deaf and does NOT have a cochlear implant and only signs. As you all know I did sign when I was little and was fluent. Now is different because I am not fluent anymore, but I still do understand to some extent and can sign to some extent. - This week was a major frustration that I was having a hard time with this girl because we couldn't communicate very well and she was frustrated with not being able to hear the music and do the dancing without being able to hear. I was also having a hard time trying not to be frustrated for her because I could understand where she was coming from, but couldn't help her understand. At one point she saw my processor, and signed to me I wish I had one like you. IT BROKE MY HEART, I said I know you do. (her family is low income, so they wouldn't be able to afford surgery or audiology appts and such)- So lately I've been trying to come up with anything that I can findout to give information to her parents. I think Jesus put this desire into my heart, because I am HOPING and PRAYING somthing comes out of all this even if I may not be here to see it. - This is all the more reasoning I should become an interpreter as well as a nurse.


Patience, is the one thing I have been overwhelmingly needing to working. So with that in mind, I just finished reading a book called A Praying Life: in a distracted world by Paul E. Miller.(if you get a chance, like ever, do read it) This book really showed me what my heart has been like and how I really need the Holy Spirit to continue to work in my heart as I pray for patience in all things. Proverbs 3:5-6 keeps coming up to me repeadiately: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will guide your paths." As I have gone through the last 5 weeks, I have learned a lot about myself that it's become overwhelming. Because I've realized that even though I am independent and think I can do everything on my own. Which is just not true, because I get so impatient. So as I pray I have to wholly let my heart belong to the Lord and he will give me the disires of my heart. I just have to suffer a little while so that I will trust him all the more with my life. It's not easy.


One of the first things we found out on the first day of coming here is that the staff would be leaving us in the middle of the project. WHAT are you talking about?! Well the reason is that they want us to take ownership of the project and to be able to do it on our own and to make it our project. SO last Thursday we had a going away party for the staff on a Yacht! yeah that's right! It was pretty amazing. I just had to relax and take the scenery all in because it was just beautiful. -Anyway, everyone was given a job. Remember all the different things I listed about what we do on a daily basis? Well everyone is delegated to every part of it. For instance: on Wednesday night which is family night, The family night team is in charge of putting the program together. Courtney and I are over the family night group as apart of the group.

I kinda thought I would be working full-time at the Chick-Fil-A out here. I can't always get what I want, but at least out here I have a job. Most of us still haven't had luck being able to get a job. At first, I had a really hard time working at this Chick-Fil-A because it is different than what I'm used to....I don't mean to boast but I do have a right to have pride at being the top Chick-Fil-A and the busiest one. And plus everything is different, which is what Brandon kindly reminded me that every operator to each of his own can operate the store how they want to according to Chick-Fil-A standards. I think I really had it in my mind that everything would be easy since I can pretty much do most of everything except a few. But no, it hasn't been. It's been more of learning experience and just what I needed. Also, in the last few days out of the last 4 weeks I've worked there I am just being able to get to know people because I am being more open and actually praying that I would be able to minister to them some how. This is my hope for working at this Chick-Fil-A: That with the next 5 weeks I would hope that I can learn more from working there and that I can help them out in anyway I can. I'm so glad God's changed my heart to make me trust him more....with out him nothing is possible.

My Prayer needs for this next few weeks are a few needs. That the Lord will strenghten my patience and trust in him. Secondly, that the rest of my support money will come in(only need $235)in a timely fashion. Also, that while I'm here that I would be able to be myself because I tend to withdraw when I am around a group of people. I really am trying hard to be myself. And that I would be able to be an example to the people around me here at the project. Will you also pray that the rest of my fellow LBSP peeps who do not have as much support coming in that the Lord will provide it for them since most of them still don't haave jobs.

Not just Fun in California :-)

I somehow couldn't come up with a more catchy title... Long Beach, California, you would think it's only full of fun and sun and the beach and just sounds great. And most would think I'm only having just fun in Cali. Yeah, it's great and fun but there's heck of a lot more to my time here in Long Beach.

While I have had fun, there is also a lot of work that is done. In the past 2 and a half weeks it's been mostly training and searching for jobs. Most of everyone has either gotten a bus pass or walked to find jobs litterally filling out tons of applications. - Most haven't had luck finding jobs. The first week I was frustrated because I didn't know what I was going to do if I didn't get the job at Chick-fil-A at Long Beach, CA. Coming to terms that the Lord may just have a different plan for us all this summer. Well last week little did this Chick-fil-A and I realize that we both were waiting on me to start working there because my Operator and the Long Beach Chick-fil-A operator were discussing my transfer of working there. I started working last Thursday. I've been blessed being able to work for the same company here than I do at home in Texas.

During a normal week we either are working or volunteering at our ministry locations. The students who have jobs including myself will work when we can and also are to minister to co-workers. Those without jobs will spend the normal days(other than the usual Sunday and Tuesday)volunteering at their ministry locations. Some are working with a church that mostly consist of homeless people. They also have breakfast for the homeless every Thursday morning. Others are working to help buildup a youth program. Others help with inner city programs. The ministry in which I am involved in is at Covanent Presbyterian(or known as Cov. Pres.). Their children's program I am working with is called Rising Tide. Most of these children come without parents and/or come with difficult situations in their lives. And on Wednesday, those without jobs will be going to California State at Long Beach to minister to the college students there.

Our typical week consist of Social night on Monday, Training and ministry locations on Tuesday, "Family Night" on Wednesday, Bible Studies on Thursday, work and volunteer on Friday/Saturday, Church - men&womens times - Kingdom Conversations on Sunday. We can work during the day at our jobs everyday except Tuesday and Sunday's. We are pretty BUSY!!!!

Social night is a time for all of us to get together and have fun while building community as a project. We are encouraged to invite our co-workers and the people we work with at our ministry locations. So this Monday(June 13th) we had a tacky prom/karaoke night. It was pretty awesome and So much fun! The most fun was seeing the other people we had invited come have fun with us!

Family Night is like a typical Cru(Campus Crusade) or youth group meeting. We have dinner, play games, sing and hear a message. and Thursday nights we have individual bible studies with a staff leader. Also throughout the week that staff leader will follow-up with us and do discipleship.

Sundays are usually very busy. We go to the church we volunteer at on Tuesdays. Most of us help out with Sunday School and etc.. During the afternoon we have our mens and womens times. It's a time of bonding separately from the other sex. Kingdom Conversations happen on Sunday night. People from the Long Beach community who are not ministers come speak to us about their faith and their lives and how it's influenced or impacted their lives. It helps us learn how to live out in our faith in the practical everyday life we live. Time of reflection to ourselves is after the conversations. It gives us time to think about the past week and also to have our time with the Lord. Also because we may not have as much time during the week to be on our own, so time of reflection is set aside.

Some exciting things are coming to Covenant Pres., in which I'm excited about. They have a week in the summer called MADD(Music-Art-Drama-Dance). The Majority of our project will most likely be helping out during this week because it's supposed to be crazy filled up with tons of children:) Then the week after is Bible week, which I am pretty excited about helping out as well.

So are you overwhelmed yet of our typical week? It can get overwhelming but at the same time there is so much we are learning and discovering about, it's pretty exciting :-D It's been pretty amazing seeing each other grow and develop relationships with each other. I CAN'T wait to see the rest of the 8 weeks left unfold and impact our lives. God truely has blessed us with each other.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" Galations 2:20-21

We've been studying Galations and this verse is what has stuck out so far in the first two chapters that we've read. I read this and realize how broken and full of sin I am, and yet Christ loved me that much to die in my place. It's also overwhelming to know that.

April Shower's bring May Flowers!

You wonder why I would say April Shower's...when it's really April Dust storms bring May Showers:) Even though technically last Friday was the start of April, I feel that the saying of April Shower's comes to light when talking about everyday life. Although April didn't start as of last Monday I will act like it did. - So I thought I would have a pretty easy week being busy, but no, my nerves decided against it all. I was having to fill out applications for school and wait to hear back from Summer Project..which is still yet not heard from. The stress level was so high that I couldn't let myself go to RUF OR M29 for Crusades, I tried to finish all that I needed to do. - to relieve stress I hungout with my roommate to not think so much, which happens to be something I struggle with. When I think a lot I tend to over-analyze any situation that has yet to happen or will happen or something that isn't a big deal. That was a little too much complaining don't you think....on the upside, I got accepted to South Plains Community College on Friday for Fall of 2011:) I'm currently having to study for the LVN program acuplacer test that I will have to take in couple of weeks. SO with that said, would you be thinking about/praying for me that all goes well? One tiny downside from this last week is that my voice has given out for this past weekend....hopefully I'll be able to actually talk on Monday at work :) I got a lot out of not being about to speak much this past weekend, made me think about my words before I speak. - I also got to go to a Deaf Chat, its community thing. People who are deaf, or students at a campus will get together and just talk(well technically sign - ASL to communicate) for fun. I really enjoyed it because it brings back a lot of memories from being little and being fluent in sign, only now I can understand but can't fully communcate back. But I am in the process of getting back into it all. I do use it while at work with a couple of coworkers who know sign, and my guests that I serve at Chick-Fil-A which of whom are deaf/hard of hearing. This weekend was pretty amazing to say the least, one because our store broke three records. The three we broke are in Drive-thru $1892, Front $2421, and For the hour we did $4313!! No other Chick-Fil-A has done this! Amazing right?! The other thing however was pretty interesting was experiencing kickboxing for the first time. I can say that it's no easy challenge, but it's definitely a good challenge. I am sore from it all, the instructor did say it would take at least 2-3 weeks to get adjusted to it. I'm looking forward to more kickboxing workouts! They're intense!!!! I'm back to it on Monday as well:) Looking forward to another busy week!! That much closer to Summer!

My first "official blog:)"

In all the times of looking at blogs of friends who have them, I have gotten envious because they get to talk about their daily life. I had originally started my blog back in 2008, but I never kept up with this and I hope to now!

I can say that it seems like everyday is the same because I "think" I do the same thing over and over again. But I've realized a lot lately that everyday is not the same, its almost like a challenge to try or do something new. Which I believe a lot of people would hate because they don't like new ideas, challenges and etc. In that case, I've learned to accept them and make them fit into my life. I know that I've learned more about myself and my character in these past two months than I have ever in the past 21 year. It's simply amazing see what you can do when you push yourself out of your comfort zone, NO, it's not easy but you learn more.

I guess I should have started a little introduction in the begining. I just recently, well sorta, about two years ago moved to Lubbock, TX from Memphis, TN(more like Olive Branch, MS a suburb of Memphis) I moved out here because I found out that the state of Texas offers free college education all the way up to doctorate for people who have blind or deaf impairment. I am Deaf, but I have a cochlear implant so sometimes people don't recognize that I have a hearing impairment. I will be going to school in the Fall to either Texas Tech or South Plains Community college for a degree of nursing. It will be my first college semester, I never started back at home when I should have after highschool graduation three years ago.

Living out here in Texas has been pretty great, for one because I have been working for an incredible place called Chick-Fil-A:) And it happens to be the #1 Chick-Fil-A in the Chain. I've been working here at CFA for almost two years in May, altogether just about 5 years. I also have a great church called Providence Presbyterian:) I have just recently gotten back into RUF(Reformed University Fellowship) this semster, I went for one semester when I moved here. I couldn't do the last three semesters because of having to work on those particular nights. It's been great to be back into the swing of RUF:) Secondly, I've also started getting involved with Tech CRU(Campus Crusades for Christ) and it's been an incredible experience so far. I'll be going on Cru's summer project this summer for 12 weeks. I'll be blogging about Summer project soon for more details.

So I hope you all enjoy reading my blog, for the time being. I hope it would be interesting although I don't have a family with children to take care of :D hence the sarcasm ;-)

I've been typing this up while I'm here at work wait to clock-in, I should probably go!

Busy

It's been the craziest few months of my life. I had decided not to go to school this fa semster, but I will be going in the spring. I geuss so far, I wish I did go to school to keep me busier than just work.
One of the other reasons I decided to take off was because my grandfather was sick and so I decided to use my other time to try to be with him as much as possible. He was first diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in July right around the time I went to rym. He had been having problems before that and they thought it was related to his heart problems or the blood clot in his leg but I am kinda sad that they didn't run any other test to make sure it wasn't any thing like cancer. Cancer is horrible its sad. My grandfather who we called Pawsie, died around 7:30 yesterday morning. I was upset, but also happy for him. He's now in the presence of our father in heaven and he is also in no pain. I have cried because he's not here and cried because he's in a better place, I couldn't be anymore happier for him. - It will be different without him. My grandmother(mawsie), is actually doing pretty well because it was very stressful to see Pawsie in pain and having to help him with certain things. It doesn't mean that she won't miss him, shes happy that he's in a better place than here on earth. Sometimes I want to be able to see through her wall of emotions so that our family can be there for her like we want to be able to be.
One other thing is that My sister Mary is engaged and has been since August. Mary and Joshua's wedding is November 29th, 2008. that's right! I'm apart of their wedding and thats pretty exciting a bridesmaid:)
Please pray for my family, its still pretty hard realizing that he won't be here anymore.
Rachel